Say What You Mean

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By  T.B. Knight 

One of the most important elements of a good relationship is the degree in which two individuals are able to communicate with each other. How often do we hear ” He doesn’t understand me”, “I can’t get through to her”, and “He just doesn’t get it”.

The ability to express ourselves clearly and succinctly is, of course, necessary for effective communication to take place. But, there’s an even more important element in discourse between individuals who are searching for an intimate relationship. It’s making sure you say what you mean. This is like stating the obvious, but there are many people who experience difficulty expressing their feelings. We are a curious species and we like to know what the other person thinks and what is on their mind, especially when it affects us. And, we also have a need to express ourselves, to let others know what  is on our minds, as well. That’s why it is so important that we not only strive for honesty and openness in our conversations with a love partner, but  we should also be sincere,  that is, to truly  mean what we say. “Say what you mean and mean what you say” are simple rules for effective bonding between individuals who desire a long term and  deeper relationship. Honesty and authenticity are important but sincerity is  absolutely vital to the  building and maintenance of the closeness and intimacy we want in our relationship.

When it comes to communications between romantic partners ”more is not better”.  The quality of the interaction is not dependent on how much we say, rather it’s based on how well we express ourselves. For Extroverts who don’t mind monopolizing a conversation, this means making an effort to curb the need to talk and let the partner speak.  On the other hand, introverts sometimes would rather listen than speak, which doesn’t help the communication process. And, in the case of two extroverted partners, talking at, rather than to each other interferes with the entire process.

The point is that our ability to form meaningful relationships, to a significant degree, depends on a communication process that embodies honesty and sincerity. It’s all about saying what you mean and mean what you say.